if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
