3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
