Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
