How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
