I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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