I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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