i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
