i always forget guys have bellybuttons
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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