Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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