it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
