"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How does one acquire holy water?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
