I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
