There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
