If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
too bad you live with your parents still
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
