you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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