oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
