this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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