Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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