I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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