I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
