Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
