I wish I only lived at night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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