I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
