i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
