just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
