Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
