i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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