textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
