I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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