I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
