I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
