get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
