i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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