So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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