You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
