I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
