Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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