I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
