On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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