There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
