jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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