I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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