I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
