i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
