Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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