um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
