I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My balls are so social today.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
