a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
