An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
