Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
