Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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