i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
