Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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