You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
