8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
