he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
