Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
