i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
