like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
