I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
