3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
