Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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