Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is Oprah even human
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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